{"id":7253,"date":"2018-12-23T05:11:57","date_gmt":"2018-12-23T05:11:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tenzmag.com\/?p=7253"},"modified":"2018-12-29T05:13:40","modified_gmt":"2018-12-29T05:13:40","slug":"come-doctor-maybe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/come-doctor-maybe\/","title":{"rendered":"Should you come out to your doctor? Maybe."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>As a patient, should you come out to your doctor? Maybe. That was my initial thought when writing this piece. Depending on your doctor, coming out may improve your relationship, or make it more uncomfortable.<\/p>\n<p>Recently, I stumbled across an article suggesting that coming out to your doctor leads to improved quality of care. I took a step back and decided to address this topic from the perspective of a 19 year old patient, just coming to terms with their sexuality; then, from the perspective of a 28 year old primary care physician.<\/p>\n<p>At 19 I didn\u2019t know what a top or bottom was. I didn\u2019t know anything about douching, poppers, masc4masc, or PrEP. I was a newbie completely unaware of the ins and outs of gay culture and the sexual health considerations that come with the territory.<\/p>\n<p>When you first come out, there\u2019s no instruction manual, no sorting hat that tells you \u201ctop\u201d, \u201cbottom\u201d, \u201cvers\u201d. (If there is some sort of gay initiation ceremony that I missed out on, let me know). Yes, I was a premed student, but, in my experience, health classes provided little to no actual education regarding sex\u2014let alone anal sex or other sex practices more common in the LGBT+ community. I was never taught about HIV, sexually transmitted infections, condoms, etc in high school. My mom still thought I was having sex with women and just told me to always use condoms. Ultimately, I was clueless.<\/p>\n<p>So, at 19 years old, I decided to go to my doctor and finally discuss my sexuality openly. I was incredibly nervous that some older, straight, white man was going to judge me. My entire life up to that point was filled with a litany of homophobic experiences. Funny enough, I later realized my doctor was gay and catered to a mostly gay patient population. In retrospect, the framed broadway posters and ticket stubs around the office should have been a clue.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><em>\u201cAre you sexually active with men, women, or both?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><em>\u201cBoth\u201d I quickly said, nervously with a mild stutter.<\/em><\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><em>\u201cWell look at you! Taking a bite from both fruit!\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I died inside. My eyes quickly shot to the ground and I immediately regretted this. Eventually it got a little less awkward. We discussed sexual health-related questions and by the end of the conversation he told me I needed to get tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV, and get an anal Pap. My heart immediately sunk and felt like I did something wrong. I just disclosed to my doctor that I was a \u201cvirgin\u201d and discussed my few sexual interactions\u2014something I had never done with anyone else. Why did I need to get tested for all these things? Why was I suddenly filled with anxiety and guilt?<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"7258\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/come-doctor-maybe\/distressed-soldier-talks-with-mental-health-professional\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Come-Out-to-Your-Doctor-2.jpg?fit=1400%2C933&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1400,933\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;3.2&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;Getty Images\\\/iStockphoto&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;Canon EOS 5D Mark IV&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;African American veteran talks with a psychiatrist. The female psychiatrist is taking notes while listening to the young soldier.&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1505372400&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;168&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;500&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0.00625&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Distressed soldier talks with mental health professional&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Distressed soldier talks with mental health professional\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Come-Out-to-Your-Doctor-2.jpg?fit=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Come-Out-to-Your-Doctor-2.jpg?fit=1024%2C682&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-7258\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Come-Out-to-Your-Doctor-2-1024x682.jpg?resize=1024%2C682\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"682\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Come-Out-to-Your-Doctor-2.jpg?resize=1024%2C682&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Come-Out-to-Your-Doctor-2.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Come-Out-to-Your-Doctor-2.jpg?resize=768%2C512&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Come-Out-to-Your-Doctor-2.jpg?w=1400&amp;ssl=1 1400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Looking back and reevaluating the whole encounter, I can\u2019t help but laugh at myself. My doctor was obviously gay and I had no idea. He made jokes and comments that I was so uncomfortable with at the time, but were funny and made in an attempt to put me at ease. I just took myself way too seriously. I was young, insecure, had zero self-awareness, severe Catholic guilt, and no understanding why I needed these tests. I honestly believed I was immune from any STI due to my delusions that I was a pure, holy virgin. Again, my sex education thus far was solely based on preventing pregnancy. Eventually, I got over it and continued seeing this same doctor.<\/p>\n<p>So when you ask me if you should come out to your healthcare provider, I have mixed feelings. Today, I laugh at my doctor\u2019s jokes and get his sense of humor. At 19, I thought I was bi and \u201cstraight passing\u201d. But now I\u2019ve come to terms with the femme Latino queer I am today.<\/p>\n<p>Essentially, it\u2019s a two-way street. As a doctor you have to know how to read a room; a skill that many physicians lack. I wish my doctor told me why I needed those tests\u2014explained to me what STIs were, what HIV was and how gay men are at increased risk; and why I needed an anal Pap smear even though I don\u2019t bottom.<\/p>\n<p>As a current physician, I think about how I can try to make other patients\u2019 coming out experience better. As healthcare providers, we get stuck in this routine of just telling people what they need to do, instead of explaining why. Primary care is meant to be a partnership. You weigh the risks and benefits with your patients, and after giving your input, the patient will make the final decision.<\/p>\n<p>After writing this piece, I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that you shouldn\u2019t have to \u201ccome out\u201d to your doctor. You should go to a doctor who you can be comfortably out with. When you come to terms with your own sexuality, bring up these topics with your doctor. Chances are, many providers won\u2019t bring it up otherwise.<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"7254\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/come-doctor-maybe\/image2-edit\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/image2-edit.jpg?fit=3088%2C2317&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"3088,2317\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;2.2&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;iPhone 7 Plus&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1523291864&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;2.87&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;25&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0.016666666666667&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"image2 edit\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/image2-edit.jpg?fit=300%2C225&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/image2-edit.jpg?fit=1024%2C768&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-7254 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/image2-edit-1024x768.jpg?resize=1024%2C768\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"768\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/image2-edit.jpg?resize=1024%2C768&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/image2-edit.jpg?resize=300%2C225&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/image2-edit.jpg?resize=768%2C576&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/image2-edit.jpg?w=2400&amp;ssl=1 2400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/>If you want to find a healthcare provider who is comfortable with LGBT+ patients, check out the GLMA Provider Directory. And if you want to learn more about LGBT+ health topics, check out my <strong>Instagram @doctor.tellez<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As a patient, should you come out to your doctor? Maybe. That was my initial thought when writing this piece. Depending on your doctor, coming out may improve your relationship, or make it more uncomfortable. Recently, I stumbled across an article suggesting that coming out to your doctor leads to improved quality of care. I [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7256,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[2358,2357,2359,1675,1674,1295,424,1680],"yst_prominent_words":[2351,2342,1448,2346,2300,1647,2343,2348,2347,2353,2356,2341,2352,2350,2349,2355,2340,2354,2344,2345],"class_list":["post-7253","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","tag-bisexual","tag-coming-out","tag-condoms","tag-doctor","tag-dr-marcus-tellez","tag-gay","tag-lgbt","tag-prep"],"views":979,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tenzmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Come-Out-to-Your-Doctor.jpg?fit=1500%2C940&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p86sOI-1SZ","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7253","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7253"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7253\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7261,"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7253\/revisions\/7261"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7256"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7253"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7253"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7253"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenzmag.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=7253"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}